Despite our hatred of BBC radio soap opera The Archers (which has aired over 19,500 episodes), we’ve decided to honour it with a zombified spin-off!
That’s right, it’s the perfect complement to The Last of Thus. And okay, sure, shoehorning zombies into a TV show is lazy and predictable as a concept.
But so what?! Zombies are popular. And plodding, stunningly doll soap operas are also popular! Combine the two and you get popularity heaven!
The Zombie Archers and the Pursuit of Soap Opera Perfection
As with The Archers, The Zombie Archers is set in the fictional village of Ambridge in the equally fictional county of Borsetshire of England (a non-fictional country).
It’s about The Archers’ family farm. In this spin-off, a spillage of Bovril on the M1 motorway has led to nationwide contamination, widespread death, and zombie reincarnation.
And everyone England has turned into zombies! Including The Archers and their beloved farm! Ermagherd!
However, with all the stiff-upper-lip, stoic British reserve you’d expect from these muckspreading types, they don’t let their zombified status get in the way of milking zombie cows or planting crops.
Indeed, The Zombie Archers battle through their desire to devour human brains and run a tight farming ship.
Episodes frequently indulge in stuff like milking undead cows, selling undead livestock at inflated prices, and spraying preservatives all over crops. All whilst managing undead family life issues, such as zombie daughter Penelope dating competitor farmhand Jeff (whose arms have dropped off due to zombified putrescence).
The radio show stars the vocal talents of Arnold Schwarzenegger, 1996 Formula 1 World Champion Damon Hill, Celine Dion, and Kelsey Grammer.
The Very Best of The Zombie Archers
The Zombie Archers IS STILL ON AIR and will be for the next 36,000 years. It has the potential half-life of one million years.
The show shall never end!
Loathe it or despise it, there have been some tremendously moving moments on The Zombie Archers. Including:
- Undead cow gives unbirth: One of the farm’s zombie cows unbirths to an undead baby calf. The farmhands quake in terror as the beast goes on a bloodthirsty rampage, shredding zombie humans limb-from-limb.
- Daffodil Days: One fine spring, daffodils emerge across the fields of The Zombie Archers farm. These are promptly slobbered over by undead zombie cows and zombie rabbits, leading to an infestation of carnage, death, pestilence, plague, and horror.
- Invasion: Zombie apocalypse survivors invade the farm, headed by Rick Grimes from The Walking Dead. The Zombie Archers are outraged by this development with indignant huffing and puffing the way British people manage with cool aplomb. A tense standoff emerges, with the Brits even refusing to make The Group a cup of tea.
- Invasion conclusion: In a hellish bloodbath, Rick Grimes and the rest of The Group slaughter The Zombie Archers to undead death. However, being zombies, they emerge back to life once Grimes and co. move on again. To commemorate their second deaths, the family plant some lovely bluebell seeds.
- The Dating Game: Undead son Gavin (15) has a crush on a human survivor called Beatrice (16). Sadly, she thinks he’s a bit gross what with all the putrid flesh hanging off of him. In an angry fit of rage, Gavin posts mean messages about women on ZombieGram, the world’s leading undead social media platform. Despite being cancelled by THE WOKE MOB, Gavin finds many voices of support from fellow undead bitter right-wing incels.
As you can see, it’s a terrific show! Tune in every day for a new episode and, for the love of God, don’t forget to get your tetanus jabs! It’ll stop you from rising again.
